I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
