Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
