I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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