Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
