Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
