so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
