The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
