my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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