I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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