Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
