how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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