We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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