I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
