Whod you bang
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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