I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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