you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
