Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
