You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
