I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my poor anus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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