Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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