I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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