no, he came in my armpit
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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