u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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