Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
