I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
