dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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