i was born a porn star she said
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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