the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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