Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
