i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
