my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
