I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
