we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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