she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
