i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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