The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
nutella sex= disaster
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
