apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
