All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My ass is underappreciated
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
