i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
