it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
