He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
