He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
