my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
