Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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