I heard we made out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
