Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
