looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
