We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize