Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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