Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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