JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
