remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
