he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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