Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
