She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
