How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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