so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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