Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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