I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize