the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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