Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
