i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
