Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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