she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
